Tiny Swarming Space Scorpions

so i was on a space ship like battlestar gallactica, and we were flying through space when our ship was infested with these tiny, about the size a nickel, black scorpions. they'd crawl all over your body, and sting you in certain parts so that they could then some how combine together and take over your mind... they'd join their bodies together to make a tube of some sort that connected to your nose, and went to some other thing that they some how created with their bodies. there were thousands upon thousands of them. some how i had managed to not be taken over by them... i think it was cause i was sick, and they saw me as being weak, and of no use or something... or they knew that if they tried to control me my sickness would spread to all of them and they'd die. so they had taken over the rest of the ship, and had changed the corse towards their home. i think they were planning on eating us, or breading inside of our bodies... either way it wouldn't be pleasant for us. in my stumbling sickness (cause i really was sick, and groggy and couldn't really think strait) i had a vision, explaining how i could defeat them. I was suppose to get into one of our fighters and fly out into space, they wouldn't stop me because i was a hindrance to them, and if i was gone, then they'd be better off. So i'd fly out into space, turn and fire on the ship. the creatures would then, in order to stop me, have to all swarm together (im guessing all of them would have to... or at least the brains or something, cause they were a hive mind) and come attack my ship... i would then fly straight at the ship while they were attacking the outside of my fighter and fly into the engines killing both them, and i... but saving everyone else!

its nice to be back into the "saving the world but sacrificing myself" type dreams... i missed them.

I dont understand...

i dont understand... a lot. how can people affect you the way they do... how people come into your lives... tie themselves around you, help make you who you are... and then fade out. i find myself thinking back to times... and finding there are holes. pieces missing... not necessarily memories... but feelings, ideas... i've changed since those times gone by... and im a new person. i try to think back and find myself lacking of understanding because the person i was back then... no longer exists... i've often given people the advice when they are trying to get over someone... that they have to realize the person that they are in love with no longer exists... well the michael that originally said that, no longer exists... its hard for me to understand why i did certain things... why i was of a certain mindset... its odd because im not really longing for the past... not really. i know the very real reasons why the past went the way it did... why things ended up the way they are... and i dont really regret it, but i think i miss those holes... that understanding of feelings i had. i think i feel lost where i am now... in this void of feelings im currently living in. now dont get me wrong, im not a zombie... im not completely void of all emotion... its just. i've locked away those feelings i so willing gave out in the past... locked them away until someone comes along who deserves them. i guess i just feel odd w/out that, that part of me. and also i wonder, i wonder why i dont get calls randomly from people in the past... who happened to hear a phrase that reminded them of me, and they just wanted to call and see how i was doing... why dont i get an email from someone saying they had a dream about me, and it got them thinking of me again, and they wanted to know what i was up to these days... have i not impacted people as much as i'd like to think. i fear not. i think this saddens me more than the loss of the person... the fact that i left no long lasting impact in their lives... i didn't change them like i had hoped. oh well. what can one do? just thoughts... thats all.

First nightmare in years.

so i had my first actual nightmare in FOREVER. Gah… i can still feel them crawling all over my arm…

So my family and i were staying at this hotel for whatever reason… and i was stuck there, i couldnt go home, or see my friends or anything… and i was miserable, and wanted to leave. at one point in the dream something happened and my stepdad bought a plasma tv, and some how due to some odd turn of events it was apparently mine, and i was going to be able to bring it home with me…

so we get in to my moms car to go into town or something… and i get in the passenger side, and on the window there was this HUGE spider nest with hundreds of spiders crawling everywhere… and i kept asking my mom to stop so i could knock it off, and she wouldn’t cause she said that would just make them spread… and so i had to scooch as far away into the center of the car as possible… as to get away from these spiders crawling all over the door and at some point these weird creatures crawled up from under the dashboard and ate a few of the spiders. my mom started going on about how cute they were and how they only ate 2 or 3 and then were full… and i just sat there thinking how i wanted them to eat them all so i could get away from the spiders… then we were at this church, and somehow the spider nest had gotten inside my coat… like on the inside breast pocket or something… the whole nest… and i was freaking out trying to figure out how to get it off w/out desturbing them.. and i saw my old highschool friends scott and travis and brady, and travis was selling this old crappy guitar and brady had decided to buy it, and they were talking about if brady could see it or not before he actually bought it. so i walked up to them and asked them to help me get rid of this nest, and they helped me get the other arm off my jacket so i could slowing get the arm with the nest next to it off… but as this happened the spiders started crawling all over my arm… and biting me and aaah… then i woke up.. and i still felt the spiders crawling all over my arm… its was so creepy and gross and now i really dont like spiders… really small ones that crawl all over you… and i feel gross.

first nightmare in forever. i did not enjoy it.

Lycanthrope

So, i was a werewolf.

So apparently in this world vampires were few and far between, and werewolves were sophisticated and in large numbers... but the humans still didn't like us cause we were different, so sometimes they'd attack us and we'd have to defend ourselves. Also we spread the lycanthrope virus through any cut from us, so if we bit you, or scratched you. you would eventually turn into a werewolf yourself.

so me and my fellow werewolves lived in this nice mansion, lots of dark wood paneling, long hallways, and balconies . Like i said, we were sophisticated, we were not animals. So we were, i think celebrating two of our kind getting married, just like anyone would celebrate... and then we fell under attack. It was a small band of human soldiers, nothing we couldn't deal with, in the fight i swiped my claws across the neck of one soldier who happened t be wearing chain mail, but his neck was open for a brief moment and i took it, the swipe didn't kill him, but i scratched him and i knew he would change. we made a comment about how hard he was going to be to take down with the chain mail, and how uncomfortable he was going to be when he changed. he ran off and the fight was over.

i guess several days past, maybe even months, and i saw him and a bunch of other werewolves i did not know driving up in a big truck. i assumed he had made himself a pack, and had come back to get revenge. I called for the alarm and everyone scurried around trying to get the young ones to safety, and i ran to meet them. i crouched in the hallway as they came up the steps, not completely turned but growling, waiting for their attack. The one i had turned came up the stairs and said, "calm down man, im not here to fight" and for some reason i trusted him, and knew he really wasn't there to fight... none of them were in any sort of attack position and none seemed ready to change. So i stood up and he came up to me smiling... i felt it odd but just shrugged it off. they then began talk of how they had to warn me, of how there was something that he'd done that put everyone in great danger... then one of his companions mentioned he needed to get his wound looked at first, cause he was in no shape to do anything at the moment. he then lifted his shirt and there were two large red gashes on either side of his stomach. he sorta laughed and asked me what i thought it was, i guessed a large flesh eating worm. he laughed and said, "oh, i've seen those but no." i looked him like he was crazy... he must have really traveled the world in the little time since i turned him to have seen a giant flesh eating worm. in my head i knew though, that the threat was much greater than a worm... that he must have done something horrible... in my head i guess he had bit a vampire... and now a half werewolf half vampire stalked the world... most likely looking for him, and because i was the one to turn him... he came to me for help.

then i woke up.

A power im not sure if i can contain.

Today, on 09-09-09. An EPIC day in of itself... my co-workers presented me with the most momentous of monuments, the most gracious of gifts, the most powerful of items owned by man... they bestowed upon me, the THREE WOLF MOON T-SHIRT. the stories of this shirt and its miraculous power being told across the interweb... this most sacred of artifacts is not just a legend... but is real.

as i sat unknowingly at my desk, working diligently on my current assignment, my co-worker from the cubicle across from mine gets up and stands leaning on the wall of my cube. i dont immediately get suspicious because this is not necessarily an odd occurrence, it happens every so often that she will get bored, or weary of sitting and will stretch her legs and converse with me about the day. Then, out of no where... this music began to play... it filled the room with such power, i wasn't quite sure what to do... this music, i must say, was the most EPIC melody that has ever to fall upon my ears. I felt something powerful was about to happen... i was uncertain what... whither twas good or evil i did not know... i looked around, spinning in my chair. Just then a line of my other co-workers, young and old, began to walk around the other side of my cubicle and line up in front of me. Immediately i was frightened... what was about to happen... this was all too elaborate... i did not understand what was going on... i was, in fact, taken unawares. A simple basket held aloft above my bosses head began its way around the corner, i could not yet see what was in the basket... but it was obviously of some importance. As the basket lowered, i saw, the object of so importance... and i was taken aback... the THREE WOLF MOON T-SHIRT laid there... in the basket... as if some simple t-shirt. As if it was not one of the most powerful articles of clothing ever to grace the face of this good green earth. My co-workers then began to cheer, urging me to put on this shirt... ME, i was chosen.

a few samplings of its known glory:

This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him. I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.
- B. Govern, NJ

I'll be honest. I ordered the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt based off the amazing promises I read about at Amazon.com. When my order arrived, I was not disappointed. As the UPS truck was driving down the street with my delivery, my female neighbors began opening their doors and stepping outside. I suspect the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt contains powerful lupine pheromones. The shirt is made up of soft cotton. I was grateful to see this as it flexed as my muscles grew after donning this garment. The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt gave me a +10 resistance to energy attacks, +8 Strength, and added 30 feet to my normal leap. I cannot list the specific effects involving the opposite sex as I am still discovering these. And they are many. Since owning the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt, I have successfully solved 7 crimes in my city, including 4 cold case murders. The local police force is currently wishing to retain my services. I do have one complaint, and that's that I must stay indoors on windy days. Last fall we had a windy day and I received notice that hundreds of women were suddenly pregnant, carrying my offspring, up to 12 miles away. That said, I would whole-heartedly recommend the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt. You never need to be a lone wolf again!
- T. Guymon, CA

Recently, my girlfriend asked me to meet her parents. I was hesitant at first, and declined the offer for a couple of months. Finally, she wore me down and got me to agree. Her parents are rich enough to own Bill Gates, and they insisted that we go to some nice steak restaurant. Despite her objections, I wore this shirt. The first thing her father noticed on me was this shirt and, upon shaking my hand, he started to call me son. As soon as we sat down, he wrote me a check for 100,000 dollars and told me to call him if I ever needed anything, and her beautiful mother began rubbing my leg in a not unpleasent way. Half way through the dinner, a man collapsed at the table next to us. I jumped to my feet and assessed the situation. I discovered that he was choking on a rather large piece of steak. Now I have no medical training, but the shirt showed me how to save this man's life. And I did. So grateful for my actions, the man paid for my dinner and gave me the keys to his new corvette outside. Then the waiters all gave me their tips, winking at me and mouthing "nice shirt."
- D. Luzader, AZ

see... this is what you have to look forward being a part of my life... see this power? this WONDER!

the planning in order to make all this happen:

Since the Three Wolf Moon Tee is so intrinsically sweet and may or may not contain mystical powers most notably the fierce attraction of the opposite sex I think Michael Wells has to have one. It would be so generous of us to bestow this great gift upon him and see first hand just what he who wears the Three Wolf Moon Tee is actually capable of. I think we all can agree the more snug the fit the better.

Total cost with shipping is $21.47. I'd be glad to order it if we could pass around a hat for donations for this cause. 

Don't tell Michael.

 HYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Three-Short-Sleeve-Black/dp/B000NZW3KC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1251997389&sr=8-1" http://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Three-Short-Sleeve-Black/dp/B000NZW3KC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1251997389&sr=8-1

(Jason)

I'm in.

Is it available in a Youth Large, 'cause I don't think he'll wear anything much bigger than that? 


(Dee)

I support this cause with the whole of my heart. Damn near brings tears to my eyes just thinking about that glorious, magical day.
(Will)

I'm in yet admit I'm a little afraid. What if this mystical power... well I will not continue?
(Jessica)

Don't run from the power of the Three Wolf Moon Tee ... just let it take control. It'll be alright.
(Will)

Jessica, I would highly recommend that you not come to work the day he gets it. In fact, we should make an announcement that all women take that day off. There is no telling what implications this could have. As a matter of fact, the guys may want to take that day off as well. Could get ugly. Real ugly. I've heard stories about these shirts. Wait...was that a howl? I swear I heard a howl...closing my door now...
(Dan)

After having to be seated across from this bear of a man, I have come to the conclusion that the 3W1M shirt can only have 2 possible outcomes. 

1. This will be a benefit to his awkward social and physical graces. It may even have the power to grant him a social outing with someone of the opposite sex. 

2. The power may be to much for him. I would find it to be a stressful working environment to have to be seated near such a man wearing the 3W1M shirt of power. Also if it does grant him an outing with someone lucky enough to be chosen, what does this mean for the race of man kind?!! Will there be trauma in the streets! Will bearded men rule the world!!! Will facial hair determine the social status of our culture!!? 

These are some of the issues that are coming to mind. Just asking.
(Dee)

I just peed a little thinking of the power of the 3W1M shirt combined with the handlebar. We could very well be creating the second coming here, folks.
(Will)

Valid concerns all Dee, and probably the tip of the iceberg. I'm just glad I have a door to close. Could the power of the 3W1M tee be too much for such a mortal man to harness? Could he evolve into a Golom-like creature ever protective of his precious?
(Jason)

How much extra is it to have Chuck Norris deliver in person? I got like $41.00 in Amazon gift cards - will this cover?
(Bianca)

It may be in our best interests to have Chuck on retainer for the entire week. I really don't know if Will, Jason, Rahj and I will be able to keep you ladies off of him. I'm starting to worry about his safety at this point. While he may appear as a stout young buck to you ladies, he's merely a mortal child inside, and I doubt he will be able to fully harness the tantalizing and life changing effect the 3W1M shirt will have on his fragile ego? Sweet Jesus, are we prepared to create a monster?
(Dan)

Too late Dan the THREE WOLF ONE MOON TEE HAS BEEN ORDERED!!!!

Bianca was able to get FREE 2 day shipping so we will be able to lay this life altering gift upon him early next week. Everyone that wants to chip in (at many and great risks most of which we cannot foresee) can give money to Bianca. With free shipping the total cost came to $16.49.
(Jason)

This is glorious ... free expedited shipping? Dear God, can the day get any better?
(Will)

Oh, and we ordered a size medium
(Jason)

my co-workers are way cooler than your co-workers... just saying.

i would not mind this being my job

ok... so this ones gonna be hard to explain... and i can't remember very much of it... so its also going to be a bit spotty. i do apologize.

ok, so i think we were kinda like explorers... but a lot less professional... we had a boss, who told us where to go and what to do... and we kinda were a rag tag group, with different talents and our own personalities. very much like firefly... pretty much this was a mixture of almost every sci-fi show i like... it was like star trek in that we traveled to different worlds... but it was like sliders in that the worlds weren't different planets... they were different earths... with different everythings, even sometimes different air, or gravity. BUT we actually had control over which world we went too, and we could get back to our own whenever we wanted. it seemed a lot like warehouse 13 in how we acted, kinda "ok! lets go have fun" even though these jobs were really serious, and people could die. i think the dream started out with us on a world, running from these religious soldier people. trying to get back to our ship, and i think one of the natives was running with us. it was a very dry place... reminded me a lot of Arizona, but i dont think we were in what we know as Arizona... when i say EVERYTHING was different.. i mean EVERYTHING... so continents weren't the same... sometimes plants and animals would be, and humans were for the most part. so we got back to our ship and barely made it out w/out getting shot at. (our ship kind of resembled the serenity from firefly) so we get back to base (which i have NO CLUE where that is) and we kinda get chewed out by our boss (who is like the boss lady on warehouse 13) and we're told to take her home... but i think her home wasn't the planet we took her from... i think something happened in that she had stowed away... and we weren't really sure what planet she came from... but apparently she had been causing a bunch of problems... i think i wanted her to stay cause i kinda liked her... so i remember looking at this holographic projection of the surface of some of these planets, and there was one with these high desert plateau's that had this lip on the end and they all looked the same, and her touching it and saying, "no, thats not it" i also remember us asking for a better ship... i ship with cloaking but our boss said we hadn't earned a better ship cause we almost lost the last one, and then we'd get a better ship when we showed more responsibility. i think there was also another team, and we were constantly competing with this other team, kinda trying to prove who was better at whatever it was we were doing... and i think they were a crew of all guys... and were a little more organized and "refined" but we were all way more talented at what we did... so thats why the company was using us despite our personalities and attitudes... but at the same time... it seemed like if we died on world, that the loss would be the ship, not us... we were expendable. it was cool though, i had this kinda rogue suave personality, i was the captain of our little team i think... a mix between han solo and captain picard... (how you mix those i dont know... but thats who i was) so yeah... i wouldn't mind having that job. how my mind came up with this soup of sci-fi movies and shows... i dont know... but im cool with it.

I do, in fact, have a very odd music taste...

Well... today i decided to listen to my top 25 most listened to songs in itunes... little did i know how much of an odd collection i had made by doing so. here it goes:

1. Dance, Dance - Fall Out Boy - 71 plays
2. Mountain Dew - The Clancy Brothers - 68 plays
3. The City is at War - Cobra Starship - 68 plays
4. Rocks Tonic Juice Magic - Saves the Day - 62 plays
5. Time to Dance - Panic! At the Disco - 60 plays
6. Beer, Beer, Beer - The Clancy Brothers - 52 plays
7. Golden Brown - The Stranglers - 52 plays
8. Jessie's Girl - Rick Springfield - 50 plays
9. Inside Out - Eve 6 - 48 plays
10. The Futile - Say Anything - 43 plays
11. Tim Finnegan's Wake - The Clancy Brothers - 42
12. Boys of Summer - Don Henley - 42 plays
13. Now that you're Home - Manchester Orchestra - 39 plays
14. Always on my mind - Phantom Planet - 38 plays
15. Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt - We Are Scientists - 38 plays
16. Goodnight Goodnight - Hot Hot Heat - 37 plays
17. Sink to the Beat - Cursive - 31 plays
18. The Tension and the Terror - Straylight Run -28 plays
19. This Scene is Dead - We Are Scientists - 28 plays
20. Johnny, I hardly Knew Ya - Dropkick Murphys - 27 plays
21. 99 Red Balloons - Goldfinger - 27 plays
22. Devil's Dance Floor - Flogging Molly - 26 plays
23. Wolves at Night - Manchester Orchestra - 26 plays
24. Inaction - We are Scientists - 24 plays
25. Intergalactic - Beastie Boys - 23 plays

odd... i know... now, the first 3 where set as my alarm for a little while... so there numbers are a bit skewed. so i really think my #1 top actually PLAYED song would be Rocks Tonic Juice Magic by Saves the Day. Why in the world Intergalactic by the Beastie Boys is even on there... i do not know... i find it quite odd. quite odd indeed.

2 dreams 1 night both AWESOME

alright, in this first dream i had last night, i was in this place... it was a large room with lots of people, and i remember there being a couch over on one wall a couple couches actually... and i was standing amongst these people, it was very loud talking to this girl i i know. i knew she liked me and i was trying to decide if i liked her or not all acting like i did, but never actually saying anything to the effect. i think she started to get on my nerves and so, to put her off i kissed her forehead and said, "you're like a sister to me, i love you so much" but she didn't want that, she wanted to marry me so she got upset and walked away. So i walked over to this other girl who i guess i was interested in... who was infact kristen bell.
she was sitting on this couch with this other guy drawing on his arm, i remember being kinda put off by this, thinking about how she was suppose to be with me, why was she all touch this guys arm... but i didn't say anything, cause in real life that's how i am... if im jealous about something, i normally tell myself im being stupid. So i sat down next to her and she was talking to me about all the things we were going to do once we were married, i sat there thinking, "wait... what did i just get myself into i should have stayed with that other girl" then i woke up and realized i almost married kristen bell and was very pleased... but seeing as how it was 5:30 am i decided to go back to sleep.

DREAM TWO

So in dream two i started out in this room... with a bunch of people, and i think i was trying to get something from this room... or house or something. i had this small gun, which im pretty sure didn't have any bullets in it, in my pocket. see, i know something happened before this part in the dream, but i can't remember it. which is unfortunate... oh well. so i realize im going to have to steal this thing in this house, and that the people there wouldn't have let me. so i pull out this gun, and start telling people to stay calmn and to start moving into the kitchen... and im all scared that someone will realize the gun doesn't have any ammo. so i get them all to go to the kitchen and realize there, next to me leaning up against a book shelf was a old shotgun, and for some reason i knew it was loaded. so i grab that and put the small gun in the back of my pants and point the shotgun at everyone, and just to prove i meant buisness i shot a shot in the air (though we're inside... i dont recall putting a hole in the ceiling) well this one guy decided to take advantage of the fact that i'd taken a shot, and i had to pump the gun again in order to shoot again, and he came at me... but i was fast, and pumped the gun before he got to me... so he backed off... i then locked them in this room, so i could go about finding this item i was looking for... in the back of my head i felt that someone was going to come soon, and i had to hurry before they got there... it gets kinda foggy after that... i found this box with something in it... it was a wooden box about the size of a match box but inside was a full sized blanket... and there was an old man there telling me that i had to not open the box yet... and something... i dont know... it all fades from there. thats sad.

but hey! i almost married kristin bell!

the end

My Essentials

So I've seen a great deal of images like this on flickr, and blogs and the such... and for some reason unknown to me they intrigued me... i like the idea of seeing what others NEED in their life... and i want others to know what i NEED... so here it goes... my essentials:

The Bag: just a normal laptop bag with a nice number of pockets for verious different things... including my laptop.
Macbook and Powercord: my beloved macbook... it might look a bit rough around the edges... but it gets the job done, and i love it... and pretty much can't live w/out it.
Marble Cross Necklace: made from marble from Ireland, marble you can only get in Ireland... a friend of mines grandmother gave it to me for my birthday when i was down in Florida visiting my friend, i stayed with her grandmother, and she was kind enough to get me this, it was in a key chain form originally... and then it broke cause i threw my keys across the warehouse back at the fixture house... i was able to glue it back together with this crazy glue that can glue anything, EVEN STONE! now it signifies much more about who i am, and where i am spiritually... i wear it as a reminder.
Diesel Aviator Sunglasses: the worst investment ever... kinda. i spent WAY to much on these sunglasses... but because i spent so much i REFUSE to loose them, or break them... so therefor i've kept them for 3 summers now. AND they're stylish.
Captain Black Pipe Tobacco: just some pipe tobacco i got from the local "smoker friendly" type store by my house... i needed some pipe tobacco for my pipe... so i got some. i like it, its not too fruity like some pipe tobacco I've had... and i like the way the pouch looks.
G1 USB Cord: a necessity to connect my phone to my computer, to either charge my phone or transfer pictures.
Engraved Metal Business Card Holder: i used to keep my business cards in my wallet, my wallet has a sweet little pocket on the outside for just such a purpose... the only problem is then they get all messed up, from being underneath me all day... every day. so i decided i needed a better way to hold them, and keep them safe. so i purchased this nice business card holder. it also looks way cooler when i take that out to give someone a business card. i normally get at least one "ooh" or "aaahh"
Pen and Mini Moleskine Notebook: for writing things in, sometimes its just easier to break out a pen and some paper to get something down... i know in this day and age we have so many technological ways of storing information... but you can't beat a simple pen and paper
Pipe and Box of Matches: my trusty pipe... it just feels better to have a nice pipe when you're having a deep intellectual conversation about the universe, God or quantum physics... its useful for pointing, and just having something in your mouth while you're thinking... and if you've ever smoked a pipe... you know how necessary it is to have a ton of matches... a whole box even.
T-mobile G1: the google phone... who needs an iphone or a blackberry storm when you have a physical keyboard, open source OS... and GOOGLE backing you up... sure its still in its infancy... it still has a lot of growing to do, but I'm totally willing to be there for its growing... there's always something new and interesting to do with it... and Google Voice rocks your face off!
80gig iPod Classic: another thing i can NOT live w/out... if you know me at all you know that 80% of the time i have my iPod on me, and I'm listening to something... most likely an audiobook... but sometimes music. Especially not having a stereo in my car, this is a NECESSITY.
Earbuds: i go through headphones like nobodies business... mainly because I'm using them all the time. so these are my current headphones... and have actually held up quite well. we'll see though... we'll see...
Keys: obviously i need my keys... you know, to drive my car... and get into my house. i have a few keys on there that i don't really know what they go to... but oh well. i also keep a mini-usb to usb adapter, its tiny and pretty much doubles as a 1gig jump drive. it also lets me transfer stuff from a computer to my phone if i don't have the USB cord or don't feel like getting it out.
6 Sided Dice: never leave home w/out it. need to make a decision, its there. bored somewhere... play a dice game... dice are priceless.
Mini Pocket Knife / Bottle Opener: very handy for cutting open those stupid plastic packages that are impossible to open... also good for bottles.
My Wallet: for holding money, my overtons ID badge, and various cards... its not a bad wallet at all. Gets the job done.
*NOTE: NOT SEEN HERE*
Casio Digital Watch: I've had a Casio digital watch since i was in 4th grade... my first one lasted till i was a freshman in college... even if the strap did not, and i decided I'm never going to get anything other than a Casio watch ever again. the batter lasts FOREVER! i never take off my watch except at night, so i have a great watch tan. i think its a shame that people have stopped wearing watches... watches are great.

Disappointing...

Recently i've felt that my dreams are not epic enough to write about... i think i might have built up too much expectation from my previous dreams that now, when i have "normal" dreams (however much i can have "normal" dreams) i think about writing them down, but then think that they are just not exciting enough... and not worth the time. i had a dream last night that an old friend of mine who i haven't seen in years, gabby, came up to visit... and it was nice to see her, even if it was a dream. Some how we ended up trying to cure cancer... and succeeding... but by that time another disease that was way worse than cancer was out there... and apparently cancer had dwindled down to be not that much of a threat... something about only 21% or 21 people in a 100 or something died from cancer anymore... which depending on how that works... is still a great deal... but we cured it either way...

see, that wasn't very epic... no zombies, no saving the world, no giant pink bunnies shooting lazers out their nose...

oh well, its all i got. be happy about it.

Avalanche

i think most of the time i just take things in stride... i handle stressful situations pretty well. i normally look at the bright side of things, or im ok with the realism of a situation and realize that there is no gain in feeling sorry for myself, or being upset cause it wont help anyone... but honestly... i think i just bottle it all up inside. cause every once in a while, something will happen, some plan will fall through, or some idea i had will end up being false... and my whole world will crumble... and i'll fall apart, about everything... and i will feel the weight of the world in full force...

im feeling it now.

i know it wont last, i know that tomorrow i'll be fine, but that never changes ANYTHING. i still feel the way i feel now, and it still sucks, and my situation hasn't changed what so ever... and for the moment, i am blinded by the present, and can not see the future, and i hate it!

i want so much, i give so much... why can't i just get a little bit back? whatever... it doesn't matter. i'll stop now.

A mystical world under the mtn.

Wow... i had an epic dream this time... lets see if i can get it all out.

So unfortunately i dont remember exactly how we got down there... i remember walking in this high ceiling-ed cavernous cave. walking to the back of it and there was this rock it was pretty large and flat... and i saw something... and then there's this large purple "monster" not scary... im talking mascot type monster... very "where the wild things go" well he kinda showed us this way down through this passage... and into this other place... that had been camouflaged or something. Well i get down there and this guy... about my age was down there, and kinda explained some stuff to us... but left a LOT un answered... he said we could have anything we wanted... whenever we wanted... anything we could think of, and a lot we couldn't think of... it was a wonderful paradise...

well the number of people there started to grow over time... we hung out down there for a while... or i guess it wasn't down there... it was like this hidden valley type thing... where to everyone else it seemed like a mountain... but infact was a lush valley... at one point in the dream i tried to drive my car and it just came apart... like literally the front wheel frame just came off... thats when i realized that leaving might not be as easy as getting in... i remember my sister being there and me having to leave her... cause i had to figure out a way to get out... i had stumbled upon this map, it was a map of all the secrets of this place... and it turns out this place wasn't just one little valley... it was secret little places all over the world... but because of the magic that one could learn here you could travel between them w/out even knowing it... never going out into the real world. i had learned a lot from the one who i'll call the creator (even though i know he didn't create this place) cause he liked me, so i had some talents like being able to put shoes on w/out actually doing anything except thinking about it... i hadn't gotten it quite right, and i couldn't take them off again... when i tried i only got the shoes, but couldn't get the sox... the part of the dream i remember well is when i finally decided i had to leave. i was in my room casually gathering things i needed into a backpack... trying to be nonchalant, and i think the "creator" knew something was up... cause he kept sending girls to try and seduce me into staying... and i think one of the reasons for me trying to leave was cause this girl i cared about had disappeared. so i pretended to go along with it, as if i was just going on an exploratory journey across our wondrous valley. At one point the "creator" came in and was looking for something, and w/out out right saying i stole it, pretty much blamed me... but some how i convinced him i didn't know what he was talking about... and that i wasn't smart enough to take nor understand something of his creating... (i knew by then that building him up was one way to get on his good side... making him think you thought he was way smarter than you) so me and this one girl i guess who was suppose to be guarding me set out to trek across the valley (though i was ready to break free of this place, cause i had the map that explained how to turn off the "cloaking" and how to travel to all the different places. as we were walking up this path we came across this picnic garden area and this guy was walking down from above with a tray of purple rock looking pastries and candy orange slice looking candies... so we stopped and asked him what they were... and he said they were a new creation... and so i tasted one of the purple ones and inside was a chocolate type brownie stuff... but the way i described it was that it was just sweet enough to bring out its blandness... and then made you want to spit it out... and then i tried one of the other ones... and it was the exact opposite... it was just mild enough to not be to sweet... it skimmed right there on the line of TOO sweet... but didn't get there.. so as we walked away from him continuing on our journey i asked her about what he had done, and how... and she started to explain to me how the creation of food happened in this world... you created it by playing music... she said normally her main job (though she didn't use job... cause no one worked in this place) was to fill the "vats" for lack of a better term with music so that when anyone wanted any type of food they could just think it and it was there... for some reason i pictured her playing the violin and writing down music notes... and that is how she created... and this guy who was walking down was experimenting with that... and i remember him saying something about the purple ones being a punishment... which seemed off for this place... cause no one ever got in trouble... and no one ever did wrong. everyone was always happy, all the time... everything felt off about this place... and that is why i was trying to get out.

i woke up soon after we left the picnic garden place.

i have to say this... this was a crazy dream... but it was beautiful, everything was full of amazing colors, trees were not just green, but were covered in a multitude of different fruits of varying colors and shapes... our palace type place that we lived in was never too crowded... it was always right there on the edge... always right before too much... everything in this place was like that... it was always skimming the line of "too much"

I dont even know... but it sure was beautiful.

a dream... of course...

i started out naked wondering around what seemed like an old mining town i had nothing... some how i managed to con someone out of some clothes and some money, and i met up with my friends who in this dream were david, robin from How I Met Your Mother
and a couple other people i didn't know...well we were either trying to leave town or something i dont know... but robin had just conned some guy out of their money... though it was nothing compared to what i did, i apparently was the best con artist in our group, and she kept trying to cut out this other guy... saying she'd give me half his share if i did something... i said no, but i'll do it if you sleep with me, knowing she wouldn't say yes... actually more hoping, cause i think i liked her, and i was hoping deep in side that she wouldn't sell her body like that... she said no, and i grinned and walked away and i think she knew what i meant by that request, and that i wasn't really trying to proposition her... well eventually we ended up in this old fashioned house, and we were all in this room and we were preparing for a battle basically... like some other group of people were apparently out to get us, and knew where we were... and were on there way to attack us so we were kinda trying to get in our positions there were two doors they could come through so i was positioned aiming at one of the doors with this little gun i was trying to put together and i tried to convince this other girl to give me her gun, and to be the medic... but before that happened we realized somehow that the guys weren't coming... and looked out out window and saw mushroom clouds... a bunch of them... and at first we thought we were far enough away... but i looked out and new if all we could see from the window was the stem of one... we were not far enough away... so i scooted closer to robin putting my left hand on her back, and my right on davids gathering them closer to me and saying something about it not being far enough away... and that it was going to hit us.
then it hit us, everything went black... i felt david and robin kinda fly into me as the ground came up and flung us away from the blast... next thing i know we're all laying in the snow (it was not snowing or cold at all earlier) and it was just david and robin and i... so we get up and for some reason i think i was naked again... or at the very least, not wearing enough clothes to be out in the snow... but apparently i had dreamed this before... and i told robin this, that this was a dream... that i had dreamed this type of dream before, and that it meant that something traumatic had happened to me in real life, and that there would be some re-occurring element that i had to overcome, or get through... like mud or something i had to get out of... if it happened a lot there was a special way i had to get out, and i would get out of whatever predicament i was in in real life, and wake up... then i woke up.

by the way though... a couple mushroom clouds in the distance... is a beautiful site to see with those you love.

Home Alone meets Rainbow Six

I think i might have to change the title of this blog to "Michael's crazy messed up dream world" cause that really is all i end up blogging about anyway... i've been able to remember my dreams a lot more though since i've started writing them down, i enjoy this.

well, last night was no exception. the dream started out with me in this house... in the late 70's early 80's for some reason i had this premonition or something that we were about to be over run... something about my dad being someone special or something... well i go to my bother, i think he was an older brother, and i try to explain this to him while also looking for our dad guns and ammo. i find the gun but i can't find any ammo. so we're talking while walking around looking for it, and my brother just reaches behind these two boxes and pulls out a ziplock bag of a bunch of different types of bullets... i start organizing them and trying to figure out which ones work with my gun... more did than should have, but its ok. so then i try to explain to my mom that she needs to take grandpa upstairs cause bad people were gonna come and they needed to be out of the way, and she didn't believe me. i pointed out the window at this car that drove up, but it turned out that car wasn't the bad guys, it was our neighbor or uncle or something... and so my mom didn't believe me cause i was wrong about the car. well then after she walked off the real car with the real bad guys drove up. It was just the leader and his second, the rest had driven up in a van behind the house and were going through the neighbors yard... the leader looked like this guy:

Well they walk in with shot guns and machine guns and the such and im in there with my little hand gun... BUT they dont expect me. So i start taking out the lesser guys easy enough... you know home alone style... but with a gun. i take their weapons and move on... im going all stealthy through the house looking for the leader. i dont know what happened, but some how i ended up outside and that's where the dream kinda went downhill... they stuck their heads out the window and pulled out a rocket launcher and shot at me, and then some how the rockets slowed down enough that i could unscrew the front and take it apart as it was "speeding" past me... but they were weird rockets more like bullets and there was gunpowder in the back ends or whatever... and it was weird... THEN i some how turned one of the rockets around and it continued its momentum up and at the guys who fired it... even in my dream i realized this was ridiculous. then i woke up... probably cause i realized my dream was just getting crazy.

not an amazing dream... but fun non-the-less.

Stay in groups to survive!

Post apocalyptic dreams are the best, and i just had one. I was a part of a large group of people staying together and gathering our resources in order to survive. We were on our way to another place, why? i dont know, but we were def looking for whatever salvage we could find. I was out scouting with this girl, and another guy, we came across what might have been a college dorm at one point. oh, i'd like to point out that whatever the apocalypse was, it turned the world into a jungle... all the buildings were over run with vegetation. it looked pretty cool... so we were walking around floor by floor, looking for anything useful, and talking... apparently i was interested in this girl i was with, but she always had guys interested in her, and was trying to play with me, but i wasn't having it, cause i knew what was going on, and i knew she liked me too... she was saying something about telling her two girl friends that she wasn't interested in me, and then they'd be all over me, like sicking her dogs on me or something... we kinda just bantered back and forth... after we thoroughly scavenged the dorm we started heading back. We met up with our main party and there was all this talk of hearing an actual running car or truck or something... and not two min later a semi drove up to us, and this guy was driving it... haha when he stopped (now realize we are in a jungle, and how he's able to drive through all this brush i dont really know... ) he leaned out the window and said, "hey, do you know where martin luther king blvd is? i can't seem to find it" haha, we laughed and because our group were not brigands, even though i turned to our leader and said, "nows when we need guns... we need that truck, and should by all rights take it" but we were good civilized people so we were just going to trade our goods for a ride (i guess our group could basically fit ontop of this semi... ) well while we were setting up to set out i went and talked to this girl with short hair, apparently she was the guy who was driving the truck... or maybe his daughter? i dont know but she def had some clout when it came to the truck, and i was convincing her that she would be better off just joining our group... that not everyone out there was as nice as us, and that we might not have any guns, but we had weapons, and more men, and could protect them. i think i ended up convincing her this was a good idea, using my wily charm haha... then i started getting ready for the trek, went and picked up a bow, and started gathering arrows from various look out spots. they were really shotty arrows... all made out of sticks and feathers and stuff... whatever we could find to use. then i woke up... good dream. i like dreams like that.

now, i go back to sleep.

3 dreams 1 night. no endings.

Dream 1:
I was at a party, the party was at my house, but i did not have the sense that it was my party... there was a girl there, a girl that i did not want to be there, i did not like her, and it upset me that she was there... but i didn't want to make as scene so i talked to my friends about it, and they were all like, "well tell her to leave" but i didn't want to be all dramatic so i didn't... at one point i was in the kitchen (the house we were in resembled my parents home) and apparently one of my friends didn't understand the problem, and so i yelled at him expressing the fact that this girl was a whore, and a lier.. and i didn't want her in my house. so then i went to look for my phone, i found bryans phone and almost just used that, but then decided not to, so i went upstairs to my room. the girl came up to me, and smiled and just followed me as i went upstairs... i figured my ignoring her would get her to leave me alone, but it didn't... so i go in my room and am looking everywhere for my phone, and she walks in and shuts the door and stands by the door with this slight grin on her face, and then picks up my phone that's sitting on the table next to the door and hands it to me. then i ask her what in the world she's doing, and why she's there, she opens her mouth to tell me... AND THEN I WAKE UP!

pretty much 2 seconds later i fall asleep again:

DREAM 2:
The party theme kind of continued, but we were in a cave... i met this girl. she was awesome, and for some reason i knew she was, "THE ONE" and we just walked around the party talking and getting to know each other... i think i might of asked her out... so we might have just started dating or something. but then something happened... a flash or something... and everything was different... i was still in the cave... but everything had changed. i was apparently the leader of a rebellion, against a nazi like enemy... and apparently everything was the same but different... like, all the people that were at the party were there... except my girl... but i knew she was there, i knew i had to find her if i was going to fix anything... so we exit the cave and are kind of walking on this green with a few trees scattered here and there and a mansion off in the distance... a couple limos drive up and my girl gets out of one of them. it turns out that im not only the leader of the rebellion... but that our rebel base is underneath the mansion of the leader of our enemy, and my girl, is the daughter of this leader. so i kind of just hide behind a tree, and watch... it turns out the brother of my girl is kind of rebellious, and hates his dad, so i approach him, and talk to him, and try to convince him to join the rebellion... i try to approach my girl, but shes too caught up in living the rich life, and looks down upon me... i try to remind her of her other self, the self i met at the party in the cave... THEN I WAKE UP!

i woke up this time for a bit, i tweeted about having two dreams that didn't end... then i rolled over and apparently fell asleep again.
DREAM 3:
it kept the mansion theme... and the cave underneath it... but apparently we had a werewolf problem... and these vampires, who apparently where from another world, were visiting these werewolves and trying to teach them how to rule our planet like they ruled theirs... so they were promoting this idea that they switch places, that the werewolves go back to their planet, and learn how to be royalty, and how to elegantly, and sophisticated-ly sate there hunger... w/out having people trying to hunt them all the time, and while this is going on... the vampires would start making our world like their own... making us not care that we are being hunted... somehow i was a part of this conversation, and i went up to the vampires and tried to give them this idea... about force breading, and over population... so that they then seem like a necessity... and people would willingly give themselves up because there would be too many people on there world... but before i could explain this to them (i think my intention was to get the vampires to go back to their planet, cause i knew we could take out the werewolves once they did) before i could explain this to them... I WOKE UP!

then i stayed away. i think...

oh how my mind works... who knows...

My mind is out to get me!

See... i've told people this before, that my mind tries its hardest to depress me as much as possible through my dreams. you all laugh and think im joking. well im not. normally, after some sort of break up, right when im doing pretty good, finally getting over the person... my mind will conjure up these dreams where me and said recent ex or whatever get together and are all happy and everything is wonderful. so when i wake up, i realize it was all a dream, and realize i miss this person like crazy... and it just ruins whatever progress i've made getting over them. Well... with my recent situation my mind tried this... and FAILED in my dream said ex-situation-person tried to get back with me, tried to date me... and i kinda went along with it... but i didn't really care about her, cause she was crazy. i was sorta just like, "eh... im not doing anything else... might as well" so when i woke up from that dream, i laughed... and was not depressed at all... and i shook my fist at my mind and said, "HA, nice try!" well... i spoke to soon. last night, my mind struck again. it realized that it couldn't win by trying to entice me with my most recent situation, cause i had no desire to be with said person. so it mixed all the good qualities of that person, and all the good qualities of my last girlfriend together and had me date HER this wonderful woman who doesn't exist... so not only when i woke up did i realize that this person didn't exist... and that i was in-fact alone and not dating this awesome person... but now i miss BOTH of them... given not really as much as i have in the past... cause i still remember the reasons why i DONT like either of them, and why i WOULDN'T date either of them again... but it still sucked. curse my mind and its evil plans!!!

Pink bunnies shooting lazers out their nose and eating a world.

Well, i didn't really have a specific blog idea in mind, but i saw this img, and felt it just HAD to be in my blog. SOOO, yeah... i have pleanty to talk about, i've had a few dreams, one of which i turned into a crazy giant flying bug and saved this girl from the evil witch woman who was somehow turning EVERYONE into her evil giant bug minions. then last night i was back in college, but it was more like a summer camp... but i was older, and higher up in the summer camp. i worked for a lumberjack. then these freshmen girls came, and they were all super hot, and i couldn't figure out how old they were... but they were all also super rich. and scott was there, and it was a very odd dream. Mainly because i wasn't saving the world and in-turn dooming myself, nor was i living the life i desire to be living only to wake up and realize it wasn't true, NOR was it a michael vs satan fighting the evil spirits type dream. (which are my norms)

on a more personal note, i hate loosing friends. honestly, i dont understand it, i realize im not the perfect guy, i actually suck at being a friend sometimes... but all you have to do is ask and im normally there... but for some reason, people like to just disapear off the face of the earth from me... people will go from talking to me all the time, and being pretty good friends, to down right refusing to talk to me at all... and sadly this happens rather often... i wonder, is there some evil twin out there doing evil things to people that i dont know about? i mean, i have wonderful friends, so i dont really NEED more... but if you know me, you i know i like meeting new and interesting groups of people, and normally rather enjoy people in general.

fie this world and its darkness. that is what i have to say! so just watch out for Giant pink bunnies.

michael

no pain no gain

i think i realized that the reason i am an emotional masochist is because i see in movies, and real life... so often, someone changing there life, due to some sort of extreme pain, some traumatic event. something happens, and it changes there life forever. i want that. i want my life to be changed. i want something to motivate me SO much, SOO much that it completely changes me forever... so i think at some level i seek out this pain, so that maybe, eventually.. someone will hurt me enough... that i'll change. i'll do something about it. i dont know. it's an idea.

The Potter

I sit here feebly grasping at this mud, just trying to create perfection, but falling short is all i can do. Covered in the filth of my failures, i frantically keep trying, but no creation of mine could ever impress upon you the measure of my love, or the distance i would go to win, but there is no reason for you to run to these filthy arms, no reason at all.

Dreams of fighting evil and saving little piglets

So last night i had a dream, and then this morning, after i woke up and turned my alarm off and went back to sleep for just a bit, i had another dream. these are those dreams.

First i was a part of some sort of, for lack of a better term, ghostbusters... but we were way more badass than your average ghostbusters... we actually fought hand to hand combat style, EVIL. So my team was made up of me, this other guy who was kinda big and muscular, this sean connery type old man, minus an accent... and his daughter... who im pretty sure i was dating. We were in this museum that was filled to the brim with EVIL. I'm talking all SORTS of evil, from ghouls to weird skeleton things to ogres to zombies to i think even vampires... and then just masses of evil flesh monsters. well we set up our base camp in the center of this "evil museum" some how we teleported into it from somewhere else, and i think tech would could teleport out at anytime... i dont know. Our base camp was just a couple boxes with computer equipment on them, and a ring of these black cylindrical spikes that had these rings about the inch from the top that looked like they should light up. apparently if we pressed a button those would emit a pulse that would completely clear out the whole entire vicinity of any spiritual or extraordinary things... but not humans, and not buildings. The reason we didn't just use that and get out of there, was because not ALL the spiritual things in this museum were evil, so we were going to try and find all the good, and get it out, and all the evil and kill it, kind of like a surgical attack. well i dont remember the whole thing in detail but there were a few parts i remember, one of which was when i was running from some horrendous evil creature and came across a group of 3 black skeleton type creatures, but they weren't just skeletons, there was a shape of a human body around the skeleton but it was kinda translucent black so i could see the skeleton inside. well they were trying to stop me, so i hacked at them with my sword which did nothing (why i was running around with a sword i dont know, i think its cause i had earlier lost my own evil fighting weapon, and i grabbed it from a museum shelf) well hacking these black skeleton type creatures didn't do much, it kinda just slowly went through them... somehow (i dont remember) i got past them and eventually got to base camp where we were getting ready to just push the button and just wipe the whole place when this little girl came up to us... and then turned into this horrendous monster type ogre thing... but apparently the girl on my team (possibly my girlfriend) knew some how that she wasn't evil, and that she could help... so she stopped us from killing her, and then the Dr. (the Sean Connery guy) gave us stuff to cover our ears cause she was about the scream, and apparently this scream would do what our pulse bomb thing would do... but ONLY to evil, nearly... it was just better at doing it than our pulse was. so she screamed and a huge wave swept through the place and it got a lot lighter and a lot less dingy... so we started packing up thinking our day was done, and my girlfriend (i think) was off to the side talking with this ogre thing, trying to figure out what to do with her... when down the hall i notice this vanity type thing... like a HUGE mirror with some drawers and stuff... but out of the mirror and drawers was coming this glowing blue gell type stuff... in the shape of hands... and out of the mirror was a face, and he was trying to sneak up on us... but i noticed him and pointed him out to everyone. Then apparently the Dr. (sean connery guy) had magic powers... and kinda of force pulled the vanity towards us, and we basically were like, "what are you doing? come on, get out of here! " and just gave it stern words and made it leave.

that was the end.

THEN dream two

the dream started after i was leaving my friend brittany's apt after eating breakfast but it wasn't her apt complex it was a lot newer and nicer. There was a huge entrance with a large median with grass and trees and stuff... so i was leaving and this little piglet and a little dog came running out in front of me, and i slammed on my breaks and barely stopped in time... so they continued going across the road and into the median and i was like, "well they'll be fine" but then after i went forward a bit i looked behind me and they were in the street again, and the pig was whining, so i tried to pull up on the median so i wouldn't be in the way and i could get out and do something with these animals. As i was pulling over a cop came up behind me, and at first i was afraid i was going to get in trouble for being on the median, but then i realized i had a good reason, and i thought, "oh great, now HE can take care of them" so i was like, "oh, awesome, are you going to take care of them?" and he was like, "heck no, i know the owners, they are these sorority girls who are really annoying, and i hate those little animals, but you can do whatever you want with them." so i picked up the pig and put in the back of my step dads jeep Cherokee that i was apparently borrowing, and then i turned to get the dog and the dog just kept running away, so i just left him, cause i didn't care anymore. So i got back in my step dads jeep and drove to school... cause apparently i was still in college, and i went inside cause i was going to be late for class or something, and i saw my friend smors and was like, "OH hey, are you going to class?" and she was like, "no, i dont think so" and so i said, "could you do me a HUGE favor and take this little pig i have in my car to the pound?" and i tried to give her my keys and for some reason she couldn't so i decided to just take the pig back the the apt complex, and apparently the apt i was at wasn't brittanys apt anymore, it was someone else, and my mom and sister were there, and it had 3 stories, and on the third story it was just a really small room with a really small bathroom, and small skinny doors, and i was just trying to take a shower, and my mom came up and asked where i'd been this morning, and i told her i went to class. then i woke up...


and THAT was the second dream. also i'd like to point out that i did in fact NOT take any melatonin last night. haha

A walk in the mind of Stephon Utonburg

He knew exactly what he was supposed to do, but that in no way meant that it was the wisest thing to do. It was just a simple door, leading to a simple room, nothing particularly interesting about it, but Stephon knew better, he knew that if he where to open this door, there would most likely be some indescribably horrendous creature waiting for him, ready to rip him limb from limb. So he turned and left.

2nd Ice Age

sooo last night i had a dream that i was in some sort of second ice age... the dream started with me being in this room of ice with my brothers i was a lot younger, and we were moving these containers of i guess food. we were just talking and kinda messing around so it was obvious that this was not the first time we had done this. my brothers were talking about how the "weeping" had gotten worse (the ice melting) and how everyone was kind of scared. cause apparently no one had known anything different from ice, so they thought if the ice melted there way of life would be over... yeah it was kinda interesting. i wonder if in life we fear change and the future like that, we are in a place that we are so used to, that when change starts to happen, we are afraid... but little do we know that the change will actually make things easier and better... i think that is what the dream meant.

All dried up.

I have no emotions, a dried up well.
Prick this finger and hear the air,
Watch as i deflate, an empty shell.
Drained and empty my uses grow thin,
if you could fill me, maybe i could feel again.

If i had a billion dollars...

so this morning in the shower i was thinking, like im prone to do, i was thinking about what i would do if i won not a million, but a billion dollars... that is a LOT of money, you say to yourself, "no one needs that much money" but see... i think i could probably do a lot of good with that much money... not just squander it on lavish eccentricities... well... not all of it. haha! ive always said that if i were to win any considerable amount of money, i'd give a ton of it to my friends. ya know, pay off all their debts, buy them cars... ya know that sort of stuff... but then i got to thinking... if i were to just GIVE money to all my friends, i dont think that would help make them better people... and i honestly think it would put a strain on our friendship... they would always feel like they owed me something... and i wouldn't want that. SO i decided instead of giving them money just cause, i would invest in there talents. now this might not work for most people... i just happen to have surrounded myself with very talented individuals, people with a good head on there shoulders... so i would invest, like, with david i would give him a stypen to just sit and write all day, and then help him get published, so that he could just be an author, and a musician. with bryan, i'd give him the start up capital to start one of our many crazy business ideas, yeah it'd be a lot of work... but i know he's love it, and enjoy it, and be happy... and it would in the end make its own money. i'd probably donate a ton of money to the nelsons, just cause they've done so much for so many people including myself... and have had to struggle so much with money throughout the years... i would still probably pay off everyones debts, just because you can't work to the best of your ability if you have a weight on your shoulders like debt... and i mean, dont get me wrong i would TOTALLY splurge and get some crazy things like a 80 million dollar luxury submarine




who needs a house... when you have a submarine like this! so yeah. everyone should figure out a way to get me one billion dollars!

Old Stuff

I feel poetic today... which means i go back and read my old poems from when i was able to write good poetry. here are a few selections:

Velvet Dance Floor
All i can do now is stare into the night sky,
wondering why the water isn't as clear.
All i can do now is hope for the long night cries,
or the whispers of a mother kissing her son goodnight.

All that is left is the empty ballroom,
where honor and virtue where left like old shoes in a corner.
All i want is to dance again on my velvet dance floor,
with you in my arms, we'd sway the night till morn'.

that is obviously where i got my screen name from... just so you know.

Cold Summer Nights
These summer nights are getting colder than the winter nights before,
as the snowflakes flow gently through my open door.
I pull the covers up, to keep my body warm,
but the cold is not the snow, it's the deepening pain and scorn.

I role over and try to go to sleep,
where the summer breeze will gently touch my cheek,
but the cold has gone to deep, and my covers are to thin.
So i role up into a slightly tucked up ball,
and wait this night away, from this never ending fall.

and another one, about an old friend of mine:

Silly Girl
You're so funny with your brown wool leggings, and your paper hat. Dancing and laughing with a freedom oh so borrowed, but with a second glance, you look back and forth. You're so self conscious of your face and hands. You're so beautiful, but you just dont see... oh you pretty pretty girl, you're just so silly.

those are all old, and have been posted on other such blog sites that i've had over the years... but i figured i'd post them here as well.

Glass Rose

Oh such a fragile flower made of glass... how do you survive at such great heights? must you make it so hard to reach? Even after the mountain is conquered and all heights are reached how to pluck such a flower? how to hold such fragile grace? All i see is shattered fragments left from my fumbling hands with drops of blood and shards of glass scattering the ground. No glass rose can stand, an impossible task to bring one home, but to give up is not an option. NO! I will descend this mountain top with scared, broken and bloody hands holding the essence of purity and grace oh so painful is a glass rose, but the beauty is worth the pain... is the beauty really worth the pain?

feeling kinda weird.

its really hard for me to explain how im feeling right now... basically take every emotion you could possibly feel... cut each in half, then in half again... take all the quarter pieces and put them in a pot, now stir until you have a smooth creamy paste. THAT is how i feel right now... a weird muted version of almost every emotion i could feel... i can't say that im sad, angry, upset, happy, lonely, depressed... i can't say im any of those... cause those are all too strong... its really weird... and i think it might be becoming a bit uncomfortable. the more prominent emotions would have to be discomfort and nostalgia... i am missing a lot of things right now, wishing and missing... but the odd part is through out it all, i realize the past is the past, you can't have it back, so whats the worth in missing it. so even my nostalgia is muted... i think i've learned a BIT of patience... and that is probably in part the reason for this weird muted feeling... cause i WANT soooo much, but at the exact same time, i know i have to wait, and wanting does nothing... so i get this muted mess... hurumph... i'd say i need a change, i need something new and fresh... but hahaha, i had that not to long ago, and im not sure if i want to go through those heightened emotions like that again any time soon. thats something else i haven't really talked about with anyone, after karis (f-ing 6 years ago) i had a real hard time feeling strong emotions... i felt apathetic towards most people... i didn't hurt easily... but i also didn't care easily... this faded a bit over time... but i still didn't think i could feel love completely... then i met Sarah Beth, and this became a real problem, cause i felt i should be madly in love with her, i felt i should have butterflies and gumdrops and all that gooshy stuff... but i didn't, and i didn't understand why. i threw it up to the fact that i had cut myself off from those strong emotions. well i forced myself eventually to feel strongly for her, and in turned was once again hurt beyond belief, so in order to NOT go through what i did the last time i decided i'd try a few different things to deal with it, as opposed to just cutting myself off... well that didn't work out too well either, instead of cutting myself off from all those emotions i bottled them up... and ya know, i think they all came bursting forth recently... i was like an untamed beast, like a storm, emotions flowed through and out of me at such an alarming rate, and with such intensity that i was overwhelmed, and honestly... probably seemed kinda crazy. so now i think... "now what?" did i purge myself of all those bottled up emotions and that's why i feel so muted? i really don't know. the mind is a mysterious thing... very mysterious.

Feelings, Emotions, Change, and Time.

So i've realized im in a very turbulent point in my life. i have been very sensitive to my feelings and emotions and thoughts and ideas, way more than normal... but i realized today that im changing. Im becoming a different person, i can almost see the changes in the way i think and feel, im growing, and its not a bad thing. when i look back at some of my emotional outbursts and turmoil i see them as a kind of growing pain, or like if im metal, its the hammer pounding me into the shape i need to be. i can only really give God the credit, throughout all of this i've been a lot of things i haven't wanted to be... ive done and said and thought things i haven't wanted to... but i realize now that all of it, was for a purpose, i am a bit stronger... a bit more secure... i am NO WHERE near what i want yet... but now that i realize what all this pain is for... i can work through it better... and not let it effect those around me as much. in my mind i see this lump of raw metal being slightly heated and hammered into shape... continuous hammering... and i look back and see every single blow, and when i thought i'd break, when i thought it was too hard... it obviously wasn't... cause the hammering continued... and i didn't break... but where rough un-polished metal once was... is now a smooth shinning surface. with this all in mind i can look forward to the future, and not be scared, or worried or anxious that only more pain is yet to come... but that i am going to be so much more the person i strive to be. so i take heart in that, this by no means means that i am not going to complain when i am being beaten into shape... the metal still growns under the weight of the hammer... but i now have something to keep my eye on... so i wont loose heart, and give up.

thanks.

A messed up dream.

i officially hate my mind.

Pain and Resolve

This past weekend was hard, is hard. It's hard because i can feel one of any number of emotions, most of which normally are not felt all at the same time. I have great friends, who constantly show themselves to be such. I have people who love me, and care about me, and constantly build me up, but at the same time, i have proven to be a monster... a much darker person than i ever thought i could be, and it kills me to know this. so, the only thing i can really do is move on. the past is the past, as saves the day says,

"Despair could ravage you if you turn your head around
to look down the path that's lead you here, cause what can you change?
You're a vessel now floating down the waterways.
You can take your rudder and aim your ship,
just don't bother with the things left in your wake."

so that is what i am choosing to do, live life. BE HAPPY. and in this spirit, here is something funny.



I love Don Quixote.

Oh, and PS.

I just want to say i am TERRIFIED by this... utterly TERRIFIED. if i owned one of these i would always be in fear that someone would mess it up, NEVER TO BE FIXED AGAIN!

Lets All Date Famous People.

Sooo... i had a dream last night that david and i were in this school thing, and it was in New York. I was running late and so when i got there everyone was already sitting around these tables, and david was talking to Kate Micucci. He introduced me to her, cause he didn't need her cause he was dating Dorothy. So Kate and i started talking and flirting and it was all really cute, but we didn't talk about if we liked each other or not, because that was forbidden. We'd just sit really close and lean across each other to do or say things to other people and our faces would touch, and we talked constantly about each other and wanted to know more about each other and she was really cool. there was this one point where i kissed her shoulder and she looked at me and smiled this queer little smile, it was cute, and i knew she liked me at that point, and all was well. it was a pretty sweet dream... i totally am going to date Kate Micucci!

Mauve Killed Thousands of People!

So, in my random wanderings through my bloggeringness... i came across this story about how the color mauve was invented, a young chemist in the mid 1800's was diligently searching for a in-expensive synthetic treatment for malaria having to do with mixing chemicals with coal to get a certain reaction, well he tried several different methods and ended up with an in-effective tar substance, then he discovered that when he treated this tar with alcohol it created a wonderful purple dye! well, mr Perkin, being a young ambitious and not very compationant man decided, "EF creating an in-expensive treatment for a horrible desease that is spreading throughout the british empire, im going to make a ton of money for selling this dye!" due to this, a synthetic treatment for malaria was not actually discovered till 1944. all because some kid decided he wanted to make more money!

i tell you this, mauve is evil, it was spawned out of greed! the color of greed is mauve!!

All Girls are Crazy

So over the past week i've been a part of/viewed several situations pretty much proving that all girls are crazy. 1st off i have this friend who's been dating this girl for not very long... maybe a month or two... and she random started giving him hell as if he did something horribly wrong... being very short with him if talking to him at all... even bringing him to the point of wondering if she was going to break up with him... and then the next day everything's all hunky dory... acting like nothing happened at all... and my friend just goes along with it, i mean given i dont know the whole situation... i only got minimal details but from my point of view... she was just acting crazy. Now on the second front i have another friend who just started dating this girl, and they are great together, but his ex is insane! she is conniving and manipulative, and is doing nothing but trying to get inbetween them. so i get to hear all about this, and give my good advice. i cant help but compare this all with:

Daes Dae'mar: It refers to the political and social maneuvering employed by the nobility of various nations to gain status or wealth, or to cause the downfall of others.

I think about things that i say, and how i say them, whith what inflection i use, what words... in what order to encite the perfect reaction, or thought. I am also constatly watching for those same things that i so carefully put into my conversations. sometimes i impress myself with my ability to shape a conversation to my own advantages. so yes... i guess guys can be crazy as well... or maybe its just me? who knows. WHO KNOWS! but yeah, i also have my own set of problems... but those will have to be left up to your imagination... at least for now.

in the end, i guess everyone is crazy.

Dance with Jak 'O the Shadows

so i just think this is the coolest little diddy ever:


Dance With Jak o' the Shadows

We'll drink the wine till the cup is dry,
and kiss the girls so they'll not cry,
and toss the dice until we fly
to dance with Jak o' the Shadows...

We'll dance all night while the moon runs free,
and dandle the lasses upon our knee,
and then you'll ride along with me,
to dance with Jak o' the Shadows...

We'll sing all night, and drink all day,
and on the girls we'll spend our pay,
and when it's gone, then we'll away,
to dance with Jak o' the Shadows...

There's some delight in ale and wine,
and some in girls with ankles fine,
but my delight, yes, always mine,
is to dance with Jak o' the Shadows...

We'll toss the dice however they fall,
and snuggle the girls be they short or tall,
then follow young Mat whenever he calls,
to dance with Jak o' the Shadows.

2 Good movies

i watched 2 really good movies today, the first Australia was just beautiful, beyond the epic storyline, and great acting, the colors and scenery were just amazing! the little bits of mysticism and magic drew me in, and made it seem fanciful, against a harsh contrast of reality, and the colors seemed to mimic this perfectly.

the second was Doubt, which i expected to be good, but not as good as it was, thankfully no one had told me the ending, but just that the acting was superb, and it was... my favorite part of the movie was the fact that you dont know after the movie what the truth was... it lets you choose to believe what you want to believe.

so yes... watch those movies, and enjoy!

Alternate Universes

In my dream last night, i started out in a world like our world, but different, i would say it was like a modern medieval place. basically there were no fast food restaurants, no malls, no tv. But there were trains, and bathrooms and heating, and stuff like that. i was living in this kingdom ruled by a spoiled brat of a king, who had his cronies and thought he could do whatever he wanted, because he was king, and he segregated against certain classes. I was part of a rebel force trying to over throw him, some of the people in this world had magic powers, i myself could "shadow" which meant i could fade from peoples notice, well i was almost caught and had to escape so i ran past the boarder of our lands into the unknown lands, the waste... the waste turned out to be occupied by the TRUE king in exile, he roamed the wastes with a small band of ruffians all who had once been royal knights, i remember seeing a map, and supposedly the waste used to be a beautiful kingdom, separated into 4 provinces, and ruled by the true king, and the place that was currently the kingdom ruled the the wrong king was actually just another province. well i convinced the true king that he needed to over throw his brother, and take his rightful place. so he road around the wastes gathering support and his army grew larger and larger. there were others like me who could shadow, and do other things and we were sent first to make the way, to sow seeds of discontent, to rot his rule from the inside so it would be easy to over throw him... and then it switched point of views and i was watching one of the other spies and she was sent to talk to this lord, who in actuality was not even from out universe, he kidnapped her because he loved her, and was trying to convince her of that, and in actuality she loved him too... but had a strong sense of duty, and thought she should be back in kingdom helping over throw the wrong king, then it came back to my point of view and i was sneaking around in a train, that had steam showers and saw a bunch of random people... some hiding some just normal people who didn't know what was going on, but most of them were people i know in real life. then i started to wonder what had happened to whatever her name was (there were no names in the whole dream... i just knew who the person was) and then i flashed back to her, and she was in our world, being held captive... not entirely against her will... and she was in a subway standing in line at a subway waiting to order some food, and the lord (her capture) had told her to stay there he had to "use the bathroom" but he was actually going to check on this gateway to the realm she was from... then i woke up.


i really wish i had more of the details but this dream was not as vivid most of my other dreams... i remember some things like how the gang of ruffians all wore outfits like han solo and road horses and were really awesome fighters. but yep. thats it.

$ -6,157.62

So, i woke up this morning to the sound of my alarm clock... i really like the song im using as an alarm cause it eases me awake. I roll over and realize its friday, so i grab my phone and open it up to check my bank account balance to see how much i have after my check went through... this is 6:45 am mind you. My phone was being unusually slow but eventually got to my banks site, and instead of finding $800+ in my account, i found i had $ -6,157.62 instead. Well i kinda just stared at it for a bit... kinda confused... knowing there was no way that that was legit at all. but... even then, i kept trying to think of some way it could possibly be real, i even divided by $70 to see how many times i would have had to overdraft in order for me to get that price (88x) IMPOSSIBLE. then i was like, "well maybe someone i owe money too was able to take it all out... College foundation... no, i owe them way more than $6000, Capital One... no, i just got a statement from them..." pretty much no one could have legally done that w/out letting me know, and even though i knew all of this, i was still scared it might be true. BUT i called my mom, and she checked her balance it was in the neg $2000 so it was obviously a bank error, so once 9am rolled around i went by the bank and turns out its a bank wide glitch that they are working on, and will hopefully get fixed today... untill then i have $20, strike that, $11 (i got brueggers) to last till they do decide to fix it. oh well, at least its not on my head, i can rest easy.

but man, you NEVER want to wake up to $ -6,157.62 it sucks!