Today, on 09-09-09. An EPIC day in of itself... my co-workers presented me with the most momentous of monuments, the most gracious of gifts, the most powerful of items owned by man... they bestowed upon me, the THREE WOLF MOON T-SHIRT. the stories of this shirt and its miraculous power being told across the interweb... this most sacred of artifacts is not just a legend... but is real.as i sat unknowingly at my desk, working diligently on my current assignment, my co-worker from the cubicle across from mine gets up and stands leaning on the wall of my cube. i dont immediately get suspicious because this is not necessarily an odd occurrence, it happens every so often that she will get bored, or weary of sitting and will stretch her legs and converse with me about the day. Then, out of no where... this music began to play... it filled the room with such power, i wasn't quite sure what to do... this music, i must say, was the most EPIC melody that has ever to fall upon my ears. I felt something powerful was about to happen... i was uncertain what... whither twas good or evil i did not know... i looked around, spinning in my chair. Just then a line of my other co-workers, young and old, began to walk around the other side of my cubicle and line up in front of me. Immediately i was frightened... what was about to happen... this was all too elaborate... i did not understand what was going on... i was, in fact, taken unawares. A simple basket held aloft above my bosses head began its way around the corner, i could not yet see what was in the basket... but it was obviously of some importance. As the basket lowered, i saw, the object of so importance... and i was taken aback... the THREE WOLF MOON T-SHIRT laid there... in the basket... as if some simple t-shirt. As if it was not one of the most powerful articles of clothing ever to grace the face of this good green earth. My co-workers then began to cheer, urging me to put on this shirt... ME, i was chosen.
a few samplings of its known glory:
This item has wolves on it which makes it intrinsically sweet and worth 5 stars by itself, but once I tried it on, that's when the magic happened. After checking to ensure that the shirt would properly cover my girth, I walked from my trailer to Wal-mart with the shirt on and was immediately approached by women. The women knew from the wolves on my shirt that I, like a wolf, am a mysterious loner who knows how to 'howl at the moon' from time to time (if you catch my drift!). The women that approached me wanted to know if I would be their boyfriend and/or give them money for something they called mehth. I told them no, because they didn't have enough teeth, and frankly a man with a wolf-shirt shouldn't settle for the first thing that comes to him. I arrived at Wal-mart, mounted my courtesy-scooter (walking is such a drag!) sitting side saddle so that my wolves would show. While I was browsing tube socks, I could hear aroused asthmatic breathing behind me. I turned around to see a slightly sweaty dream in sweatpants and flip-flops standing there. She told me she liked the wolves on my shirt, I told her I wanted to howl at her moon. She offered me a swig from her mountain dew, and I drove my scooter, with her shuffling along side out the door and into the rest of our lives. Thank you wolf shirt.
- B. Govern, NJ
I'll be honest. I ordered the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt based off the amazing promises I read about at Amazon.com. When my order arrived, I was not disappointed. As the UPS truck was driving down the street with my delivery, my female neighbors began opening their doors and stepping outside. I suspect the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt contains powerful lupine pheromones. The shirt is made up of soft cotton. I was grateful to see this as it flexed as my muscles grew after donning this garment. The Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt gave me a +10 resistance to energy attacks, +8 Strength, and added 30 feet to my normal leap. I cannot list the specific effects involving the opposite sex as I am still discovering these. And they are many. Since owning the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt, I have successfully solved 7 crimes in my city, including 4 cold case murders. The local police force is currently wishing to retain my services. I do have one complaint, and that's that I must stay indoors on windy days. Last fall we had a windy day and I received notice that hundreds of women were suddenly pregnant, carrying my offspring, up to 12 miles away. That said, I would whole-heartedly recommend the Three Wolf Moon T-Shirt. You never need to be a lone wolf again!
- T. Guymon, CA
Recently, my girlfriend asked me to meet her parents. I was hesitant at first, and declined the offer for a couple of months. Finally, she wore me down and got me to agree. Her parents are rich enough to own Bill Gates, and they insisted that we go to some nice steak restaurant. Despite her objections, I wore this shirt. The first thing her father noticed on me was this shirt and, upon shaking my hand, he started to call me son. As soon as we sat down, he wrote me a check for 100,000 dollars and told me to call him if I ever needed anything, and her beautiful mother began rubbing my leg in a not unpleasent way. Half way through the dinner, a man collapsed at the table next to us. I jumped to my feet and assessed the situation. I discovered that he was choking on a rather large piece of steak. Now I have no medical training, but the shirt showed me how to save this man's life. And I did. So grateful for my actions, the man paid for my dinner and gave me the keys to his new corvette outside. Then the waiters all gave me their tips, winking at me and mouthing "nice shirt."
- D. Luzader, AZ
see... this is what you have to look forward being a part of my life... see this power? this WONDER!
the planning in order to make all this happen:
Since the Three Wolf Moon Tee is so intrinsically sweet and may or may not contain mystical powers most notably the fierce attraction of the opposite sex I think Michael Wells has to have one. It would be so generous of us to bestow this great gift upon him and see first hand just what he who wears the Three Wolf Moon Tee is actually capable of. I think we all can agree the more snug the fit the better. Total cost with shipping is $21.47. I'd be glad to order it if we could pass around a hat for donations for this cause. Don't tell Michael. HYPERLINK "http://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Three-Short-Sleeve-Black/dp/B000NZW3KC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1251997389&sr=8-1" http://www.amazon.com/Mountain-Three-Short-Sleeve-Black/dp/B000NZW3KC/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=apparel&qid=1251997389&sr=8-1my co-workers are way cooler than your co-workers... just saying.
(Jason)
I'm in. Is it available in a Youth Large, 'cause I don't think he'll wear anything much bigger than that?
(Dee)
I support this cause with the whole of my heart. Damn near brings tears to my eyes just thinking about that glorious, magical day.
(Will)
I'm in yet admit I'm a little afraid. What if this mystical power... well I will not continue?
(Jessica)
Don't run from the power of the Three Wolf Moon Tee ... just let it take control. It'll be alright.
(Will)
Jessica, I would highly recommend that you not come to work the day he gets it. In fact, we should make an announcement that all women take that day off. There is no telling what implications this could have. As a matter of fact, the guys may want to take that day off as well. Could get ugly. Real ugly. I've heard stories about these shirts. Wait...was that a howl? I swear I heard a howl...closing my door now...
(Dan)
After having to be seated across from this bear of a man, I have come to the conclusion that the 3W1M shirt can only have 2 possible outcomes. 1. This will be a benefit to his awkward social and physical graces. It may even have the power to grant him a social outing with someone of the opposite sex. 2. The power may be to much for him. I would find it to be a stressful working environment to have to be seated near such a man wearing the 3W1M shirt of power. Also if it does grant him an outing with someone lucky enough to be chosen, what does this mean for the race of man kind?!! Will there be trauma in the streets! Will bearded men rule the world!!! Will facial hair determine the social status of our culture!!? These are some of the issues that are coming to mind. Just asking.
(Dee)
I just peed a little thinking of the power of the 3W1M shirt combined with the handlebar. We could very well be creating the second coming here, folks.
(Will)
Valid concerns all Dee, and probably the tip of the iceberg. I'm just glad I have a door to close. Could the power of the 3W1M tee be too much for such a mortal man to harness? Could he evolve into a Golom-like creature ever protective of his precious?
(Jason)
How much extra is it to have Chuck Norris deliver in person? I got like $41.00 in Amazon gift cards - will this cover?
(Bianca)
It may be in our best interests to have Chuck on retainer for the entire week. I really don't know if Will, Jason, Rahj and I will be able to keep you ladies off of him. I'm starting to worry about his safety at this point. While he may appear as a stout young buck to you ladies, he's merely a mortal child inside, and I doubt he will be able to fully harness the tantalizing and life changing effect the 3W1M shirt will have on his fragile ego? Sweet Jesus, are we prepared to create a monster?
(Dan)
Too late Dan the THREE WOLF ONE MOON TEE HAS BEEN ORDERED!!!! Bianca was able to get FREE 2 day shipping so we will be able to lay this life altering gift upon him early next week. Everyone that wants to chip in (at many and great risks most of which we cannot foresee) can give money to Bianca. With free shipping the total cost came to $16.49.
(Jason)
This is glorious ... free expedited shipping? Dear God, can the day get any better?
(Will)
Oh, and we ordered a size medium
(Jason)
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